is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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