part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
