So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
