how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
