Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He felt like a one man threesome
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
