dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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