hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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