Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i think i have two assholes
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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