I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
