dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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