worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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