as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
