someone get that fucking seahorse.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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