Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
