There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
