I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
