he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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