It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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