They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
