I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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