my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
