Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
We need to rekindle our bromance
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
