Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
