I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
