i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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