What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
