Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
