smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
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