This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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