Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
