i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
