you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
