Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
