alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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