I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
