in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
