And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
