Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
false alarm, still single
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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