Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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