the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
accomplished twins. life is a go
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
