her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
