R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
