just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
