i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
