it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
