Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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