my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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