He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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