Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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