You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
