Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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