so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
