I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
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