just come out here and I will go home with you...
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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