My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
