So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
