I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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