I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
