five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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