I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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