worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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