I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
