my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
