They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
