He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
