We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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