the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
