i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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