in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
