you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
