you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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