I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
