I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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