he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
