Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
