wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
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Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
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Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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