This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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