Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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