Come see our sink grown plant.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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