You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
