I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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